Me: Had veggie wrap for lunch (not quite the burrito I wanted, but, you know, veggies). Am now experiencing ominous rumblings from digestive tract. Was something wrong with my veggies? Am worried there might be a blow out in my near future.
MJ: Oh no. It must be because feral pigs pooped on the veggies when they were in the fields. Maybe you have salmonella.
Me: Well, THAT’S a leap. I was thinking more along the lines of Juan behind the counter forgetting to wash his hands before slicing up the tomatoes, but maybe you’re right about the feral pigs. Do feral pigs exist? Bacon on the hoof! In the wild! Awesome!
MJ: Maybe Juan behind the counter forgot to wash and then rubbed his germs all over the veggies – but I like the feral-pig theory better. Oh yes – they do exist. [Husband] says that if you see a feral pig when hunting, you can shoot it without a pig-hunting license. Free wild bacon! I bet feral pigs aren’t very tasty though – they’re so angry.
Me: Well, you know, Burger King has the Angry Whopper. (Have not eaten it, have just seen the signs.) I think some Angry Bacon would go great on an Angry Hamburger. But only if you could top it with some Angry Cheese, perhaps from a cow whose mama was insulted while it was being milked.