I might need help burying the body

Yesterday the mister took his moped to work. The moped is 30 years old and doesn't have a key, so he forgot to bring his keys to work.

I didn't know this and just a few weeks ago he read me the riot act for failing to lock up the house when I left, so when I left for work I very conscientiously locked each and every door.

Several hours later, Captain Fantastic gets home from work, realizes he's locked out, and comes down to my office (luckily he'd left the key in the motorcycle ignition, because taking a moped that only goes 25 miles per hour on the freeway would have been bad news) and took MY house key. (We used to have spare keys stashed in the garage but SOMEONE used them and never put them back.)

Knowing he had plans and would be gone for much of the evening, I admonished him to leave the back door unlocked as I would be extremely upset to find myself locked out when I returned home.

Guess who was locked out. It was pouring rain and I had to pee so badly I ended up driving to the local GAS STATION to use their bathroom.