Monday, July 7, 2008

Hey Jealousy

I have all this random crap to regale you with from the Fourth of July weekend. Well, not really actually. I can sum it up in a few short words: in-laws, boating, fireworks, sunburn, sleeping late, and a Harry Potter marathon on the Family Channel.

So now we are free to move on to my new neurosis. The mister and I live in a decent neighborhood. It’s one of those neighborhoods-in-transition, where a lot of the older people that built the houses are moving away, leaving us with an interesting mix of older people and young families. The neighborhood has the potential to be rejuvenated with a lot of young energetic families (not me, obviously, but overall). It also has the potential to become completely ghetto. The mister and I are obviously hoping for option 1 because we owe more on our house than we would get if we sold it so if the neighborhood starts circling the drain we’re stuck.

Anyway, nice neighborhood full of 50’s era ramblers, tidy green lawns, and little kids on bicycles. There’s a couple that lives across the street from us. They’re my parents’ age and they’ve had a whole mess of kids. They adopted about half a dozen kids and those children are, for the most part, out on their own now but some of them cycle back every so often.

It’s one of the ones that cycles back that’s bugging me. She’s in the armed forces (I cannot remember which branch). She comes back whenever she’s on leave and hangs with her parents.

And the mister.

Which drives me nuts.

I’m not a jealous wife. I think, anyway. I mean, I do call some of the mister’s exes skanks but that’s because they were! One, in particular, had a Slippery when Wet tattoo. Guess where! Skanky, am I right?

But I trust my husband and I know he won’t cheat or stray. He might think about it, but he’s the most honest, honorable man I know and we took vows and he won’t break them. So I really have no reason to be jealous.

Except I hate this neighbor girl.


See, she’ll be home on leave and I swear to God, she’ll wait for me to pull my car out of the driveway and she’ll come bopping over. I run to the grocery store or the post office and am gone for a grand total of 15 minutes and by the time I get home, she’s hanging out.

But she always hightails it once I come back and never comes over when I am there.

Not once in over three years has she come over when I’ve been home. I always come home and find her there. The mister is good about keeping her in neutral areas. If at all possible, he starts a bonfire in the backyard and keeps her out of our house altogether, but if I hear her pert little voice telling me that she’s never seen my bedroom but she’d love to (accompanied by a sidelong look at the mister and a fluttering of eyelashes) I might lose my damned mind.

I always have this vague feeling that she’s sized me up, decided she can beat me, and now she’s out to score.

Like I said, I have faith in my husband and I don’t think he’s going to cheat. And I don’t relish the jealous wife role I’ve put myself into, so I’m trying to stop. But I’ll be glad when she goes back to boot camp or wherever and gets out of my hair.

1 comment:

Molly said...

That tattoo is so freaking skanky! Nasty! And I hate that neighbor girl too - you and I could totally beat her down!