Friday, December 19, 2008

Fleet Farm is a Redneck's Social Club

Last night the mister and I went to redneck heaven: Fleet Farm. I had to buy some pliers for my brother’s Christmas gift and the mister needed ammo and some sort of hunting-dog training device. I hope it’s a Christmas gift, because if he thinks he’s training my sweet, goofy little dog to hunt, well, I want to watch because it will be HILARIOUS. Ineffectual and a waste of energy, but also hilarious.

I got bored waiting for the mister to price tires for whatever new redneck truck project he’s working on, so I wandered away to look at wool socks.

(I will say one thing for Fleet Farm: at least there’s shit for me to look at. Northern Tool and Hydraulic, not so much, but Fleet Farm has clothes, cookware, pet supplies, and even a small magazine section.)

Not finding any socks I need to bring home with me, I go back to the tire counter and find the mister conversing with his uncle.

We chat for half an hour.

Then the mister and I make our way to the checkout line.

I buy my pliers but refuse to buy his ammo.

He buys his ammo. As he signs the credit slip, he looks up and spies someone else he knows. A former coworker from a long time ago, and they have about 4 years of life to catch up on.

I got bored and hungry and bought a Milky Way bar. Then I got bored and played on my phone. Then I just gave up on being polite and started glaring at the mister and crowding him bodily towards the door.

(Those of you that have ever wondered why I carry a giant purse stocked with a book and knitting projects now understand: the mister knows people everywhere and a large portion of my life is spent shifting my weight from foot to foot while I wait for him to finish up conversations. The book and project give me something to do other than heave put-upon sighs. Of course last night I did not bring my purse with me, I just brought my wallet, leaving me with nothing to do.)

Nearly two hours from the moment we set foot in the store, we leave. I am starving. I am pissed that all my evening plans, including dinner, grocery shopping, going to the gym, and preparing to host Christmas Eve have all been shot to hell.

But, hey, the mister is delighted that he caught up with his old friend.

And I found out:

(1) that men gossip more than women. He married who? She kept the what in the divorce? They spent how much?

(2) that the mister invited his ENTIRE family to Christmas Eve at our house, not just the four people I was planning on. So now I need prepare for nearly 20 guests. If you have any make-ahead-and-reheat recipes or quick and dirty recipes for appetizers, send them my way. I have to work on Christmas Eve day and am a little under-prepared for the sheer number of people coming my way.


-R- said...

My fast and easy appetizer recipes: buy some in the frozen food section at SuperTarget.

Anonymous said...

Here's a favorite of mine...not too much chopping, which is always important to me.


1 8 oz container of hummus (original)

1 8 oz container of onion and chive cream cheese

Green onions (one bunch or to taste)

1-2 Roma Tomatoes, seeded and chopped

1 container of Feta Cheese

1 small can of black olives, sliced (or use kalamata for more flavor)

Red pepper rings for garnish


Spread cream cheese on serving plate

Top cream cheese with a layer of hummus

Top with crumbled feta Cheese, chopped green onions, tomatoes and olives.

Garnish with red bell pepper rings

Serve with pita chips

Buster said...

bustergirl, that sounds FABULOUS. Thank you!